12.13.2006

Amway Rutz - the Soy made me gay

Now I know why I am Gay. It has taken so long to figure out but now its clear to me thanks to Jim Rutz in an exclusive commentary on WorldNetNews. Rutz in a shocking new report says "Soy is making kids 'gay'. Its no wonder you don't see those big strong good ole country beer swiggin an spittin boys eating soy. They must have an inate sense as to the value of a big steak over a few cubes of tofu. Its making sense to me now. If I were PETA, I would be very worried right now.

Now not everyone gets to write for WorldNetNews as they are the moral equivalent of that other trusted news source the world turns too on matters like this, the Weekly World News. Jim Rutz was an Amway Distributer for 12 years giving him a seal burping allbeit unusual insight on matters related to sexuality and what makes us the way we are. Jim's other credentials include being spokesMAN for the worldwide church house church community. I am impressed with such impeccible credentials and so you should be too ...

Here is the essence, the meat of his titillating report... (if you're gay you won't understand titillating, like straight boys do, ask a straight friend ok)...

"...Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!)

Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them...."
- James Rutz is chairman of Megashift Ministries and founder-chairman of Open Church Ministries.


I had to call my Mother when the news broke. She would be able to confirm the report's findings. It would be a simple test, I would ask, "Mom when I was a baby did you feed me soy?" Mom's response sent shivers throughout my body, I may have even swished... "Yes Rick you use to love it, I mixed it in your formula. What else could I do, you were a sick baby and all you would eat were bananas." "Oh no, thats where the penis fixation came in," I said out loud."What?" Mom asked. "Nothing, just a little envy. Oh my god, the report is true, Mom you made me gay!"

I remember after that I was playing with dolls while my brothers smashed things, I would play cars but instead of racing or bashing them I built perfect little villages with mowed grass and stuff. Then later I arranged flowers at my grandmothers house.

Its true, I wasn't suppose to be gay, its the soy Mom force fed me. I never knew, all I can say is thank you to AMWAY Rutz. Maybe now I can go to church and they will understand that its the SOY, not me that made me this way. And maybe the Church will accept my boyfriend too, what do you think?

This story was also published on peace earth and justice today.

7 comments:

Chimera said...

Rutz has done a very common thing. He has taken some known facts, mixed them with some theories extrapolated from those facts, and leaped wildly and enthusiastically into his own conclusion without even testing the theory.

That the theory fits nicely with what he would prefer to believe is his main motivation for spreading it around.

BJohnM said...

Myself and another person with whom I work have recently conducted our own scientific study (scientific at least to the extent of most of the radical rights requirements), and we've determined that the cause of homosexuality must be Coors Beer. Well actually, that's not completely true...it's the Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water.

Our study is based on the recent revelations of all the gay Colorado radical right preachers coming out. (There have been two...that's about the sample size the radical right can cite for conversion therapy success, so it must be a large enough sampling.) Clearly, there's something in the water in Colorado!

Now, obviously there are gay people outside of Colorado. We believe Coors Beer must be the transmission vehicle. He and I both drank a few Coors Beers during our high school and college days. That's a sampling of two...once again, about enough for religious wingnuts to call it a scientific fact.

And this only makes sense. The Coors family are of German heritage. I think it's a huge plot on their part. "The Family" uses their beer, laced with the devil's own Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water, to spread homosexuality across America and, as the leader's on the religious right remind us, cause the destruction of American society. This will leave America open to a take over by the German's of the 4th Reich. And it'll just be a cake walk for them, as we'll be all sissy'ed out.

See, it just all makes sense doesn't it? Whew! I'm sure glad we got that all figured out. I was getting confused.

Chimera said...

Tag, my friend!

http://intothecavern.blogspot.com/2006/12/all-i-want-and-all-i-dont-want.html

Have a wonderful Christmas.

scout said...

hey rick, aloha from hawaii....have a good season!

scout said...

hey rick, aloha from hawaii....have a good season!

Gazetteer said...

Well, I for one sure am glad to see that this gets Tinky Winky off the hook.

Rick Barnes said...

Tinky Winky took a bad rap! but it did it for the team!