12.31.2005

A Pansy speaks - Deep Penetration

Lingamfelter’s out-of-touch sex bill.

I am beginning to get worried here. There may be something behind the Immaculate Conception of Mary after all. Otherwise just how the heck can one explain the number of Republicans reproducing.

These guys don't like sex. In fact they know it doesn't happen. Only us morons out here have it. This of course could explain their sour looks all the time. I mean look at this guy in Virginia, a republican, you guessed that right?. Anyway this guy Limpycantfeelher I think, wants to pass a bill so kids get a bunch of white lies about sex and he is going to do it in the absense of any brains.

Last year Limpycantfeelher worked to pass a bill to introduce license plates that tell everyone that he supports traditional marriage with all the baggage that goes with that. Seems he hasn't a lot to do in the State Capital so as the big guys says an idle mind is the devils playground.

------------

While he was staring at his license plate, listening to his radio in the warm welcoming late morning sun, smiling, then bang, the potted pansys near his car ignited in the absence of any means to do so.

Slowly a little puddle of water forms at his feet. He stares into the flames, aware now of the warm and wet stuff flowing down his legs. He hears a voice, a loud deep voice, full of authority, you know one of those voices republicans like.

"Go forth and tell the kiddies how babies are made and of the gift of enjoining together upon being baptised for the republican crusade" The fire goes out as the pool of water reaches it.
Limpycantfeelher was astounded, he knew that voice, he had heard it often, then it hit him like a lightning bolt out of a can of Jolt. The Lord sounds a lot like Rush Limbaugh. Amazing he thought to himself, I better go change and waddles back to the house.

He hopes the voice did not see his lil' accident. He changes, glancing into his wife's mirror, he is reminded why immaculate conception works for repubicans. "How can I do what the voice asked?" he says out loud, looking for his radio, he is often inspired by talk radio, maybe he will get a hint here. He can't find it, "dang," he says, careful not to take the Lord's name in vain, heads to his car, he will listen on the way to work, first he stops at a local Republican shrine.

Without DeLay he gets out and goes to the back of the Wal-Mart, picks up a copy of Saint Sam Walton's life, inside the cover is a check but he has to hand it over to Tom, its made out to him. As he walks out he sees a display of personnal lubricants, not sure what they are, he buys some KY jelly and heads to the counter.

The Clerk smiles and asks if he planning a good time. Limpycanfeelher says he off to do the Lord's work, he needs to be hard and the penetration has to reach the deepest darkest places of man. This will do it says the clerk!

Back in his car he has a grin, what luck, to find the jelly. He arrives at his next stop, a Casino run by the heathen Indians, Jack had told him about a machine that will pay off if he uses Jack's special card. He hands the card to a dealer, she hands him a cashiers check, Dang he says, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Back in his car he drives to his work, the Virginia State Capital Building. A black boy rushes over and opens his door, Welcome Massa Limpycanfeelher. He loves that, and Lincoln was a republican he asks himself again as he did everyday.

As if by divine intervention the answers to what the voice in the pansys demanded of him flowed as he wrote across the page. He had a Bill, it was perfect. "Emphasis of abstinence in family life curricula," what a title he thought. What does abstinence mean he thought. He looked it up in the dictionary, amazed he had come up with such a word without knowing what it entailed.

"No sex," he says out loud, he likes to hear himself talk, trying to mimic that deep voice, like the one he heard come out of the panseys. Only Democrats will be opposed he says seeing another image of himself before his wife's mirror. Seeing the jelly laying on his desk, he picks it up, "deep penetration" he says, "I need to go deep."


, , , , , , , Politics, Democrat, Conservative, Liberal, Bush, , ,

2 comments:

bruce said...

I suppose if a person can believe in intelligent design (the best oxymoron of the year), the stork wouldn't seem too far-fetched.

I really feel sorry for the kids.

Ayisha said...

nice site for more books I have some more gifts..



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